you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
