you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
