Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
