I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
