feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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