I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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