Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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