Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
