is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
