Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
