i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
