hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
