So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Pants are for mortals
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize