i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
