THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
