But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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