My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
