Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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