I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
