I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
