I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
