He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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