My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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