apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
