You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
