he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize