im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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