He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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