weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
