I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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