So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
