i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You've changed since you got that strap on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
