if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
