I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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