WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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