my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
