We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
