He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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