Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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