We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize