Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
