Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize