This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
