you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
