I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
