I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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