wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
