Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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