I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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