When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
