the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
