i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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