I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
