I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
