You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
