areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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