I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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