if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
