$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
