does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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