sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
be right there i have to get my cape
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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