he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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