so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
