just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize