Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
