Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
