Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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