i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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