before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
