i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
