How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
