I need help removing her.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
