these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
