he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize