I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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