Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
